Gual Iya. I am a girl. It has never been more apparent to me that I am in fact a female then now, traveling alone, living alone and being in the world away from “America” as a solo woman. Actually this solo gig has turned into a soulful life and I kind of like the sound of that. I have been to 8 countries in the past 2 years and Ethiopia is BY FAR the toughest in many ways but especially for women. I feel, live, and experience life as a woman in Africa daily so on vacation I wanted something different. I sure got it in India.
I also realized that within myself that I am a very different person then I was 2 years ago. On my recent trip to India, I left my friends to travel alone in search of something that I cannot quite put into words. Me “my womaness”, my backpack and lots of spirit and I was off. I took trains, hitch hiked, ate in people’s homes, engaged in adventure sports, explored running in the Himalayans, went white water rafting on The Ganges, met wonderful people and stumbled upon waterfalls. In India, I took full advantage of being in a safe place and loved every moment of my freedom. When people looked at my womaness and white skin I wanted to yell out to them tell them don’t judge me just yet. I will ride on stinky public transportation or even on a donkey without hesitation to save ten cents. I will take off running in the mountains when my bus crashes to the next town. I will eat street food and bathe wherever there is water and relieve myself when necessary. Gaul Iya! Africawit Iya! I am a woman and I am African! I want to yell. But that sounds silly proclaiming such a thing especially in India. I will assert my womanhood I thought and so I did… venturing solo into rural India leaving fear behind and 6 inches of my hair.
This experience does have a lot to do with my perception coming from one of the toughest places on earth so with some strong thighs as people often comment on, I leapt over to a brand new continent with eyes fixed on the love beauty and peace that India is so famous for. Maybe it is because of how hard I have to work inwardly to find peace here in Ethiopia; India seemed too good to be true. No one threw rocks at me, no one grabbed me in the bus station, no one shoved me just because or screamed in my face then laughed. Every time someone offered directions or a nice greeting in India, my hand instantaneously curled up into a fist ready to defend myself. This is what Ethiopia has done to me. It took a good week for me to not clench my bag tight against my chest, to not always be on the defensive or ready to fight, to accept that people in their honesty and goodness were being kind out of their hearts and not trying to rob me, grab my breasts or ask for money. One time someone bent down to pick something up I moved my head away thinking that they were picking up a rock to throw at me. It wasn’t the case someone just dropped some change and was picking it up. Wow, this is what regular life must be like I kept thinking. Not to be bullied, intensely starred at, or aggressively followed teased and threatened by packs or teenage boys and men. It was so nice and reminded me that life doesn’t always have to be so hard. I always tell my Ethiopian students things like that. Life doesn’t have to be this hard; if we learn to treat each other with respect things would be more peaceful. In India there is poverty but people were wonderful, the country was more developed then I anticipated, the architecture was breath taking and the overall spirit was calming. Trains made travel easy; the food was outrageous especially for vegetarians. I saw the center of the Jain religion a temple carved from white marble over an acre big, the famous Golden Temple made from solid gold which is the center of the Sikh Religion, ancient forts stretching for 30 KM, The Taj Mahal, The Ganges River, traditional dancing, the abandoned “Beatles” ashram, weddings, yoga, beautiful clothes, The Jauipur Literature Festival, food food and more delicious food! It was enjoyable but I knew that this all would end and I would find myself home again in a matter of no time. Back to Ethiopia I went where things are less enjoyable for many reasons but mostly because of my gender. Shoved back into my role as a girl in a society doesn’t quite know where it stands between the old and the new. What about the “human” I find myself wondering? And so my battle, my life, my quest for gender empowerment in Ethiopia would continue.
My work in Ethiopia has constantly been centered on gender issues. I think I have it tough with all of the sexual harassment and assault that happens but the difference is, I get to leave, I get to choose my path, my people… my potential mate. My students here in Ethiopia do not have any of those luxuries. Here, men look at women not with desire, not in some romantic sense or admiration of their beauty. Men generally look at women here (myself included) as things, things without feelings emotions or voices we are objects used to make babies, cook and clean. When they grab at us, stare or possess women there is a sense of entitlement and ownership it is actually frightening at first for young female volunteers. Teaching my girls (my 8th grade girls group of students) that it doesn’t have to be this way is though because they are battling society at large and in most cases even their parents. The way I see it is that these girls are going to be mothers one day and they have the power to change this society by teaching their future families. Behavior change has to come from within. Being a role model for these girls has been the highlight of my life… literally the highlight of my life. Many young girls are in arranged marriages and many girls here have been victims of female genital mutilation (FGM) where the clitoris is removed causing infections and extremely painful sex for the rest of their lives. They don’t learn that this has even happened to them until they are married. Domestic violence has its place as well as forced manual labor “maids” or Seratenyas they call them here except they don’t get paid. Commercial Sex work is common. Women aren’t seen in restaurants, coffee shops or social places without a man to escort them, not because of laws but because of social norms. Imagine that. It makes me wonder what fate lay ahead for these girls. Flirting is aggressive. It is not uncommon to see high schoolers grabbing, hitting or throwing rocks at girls to get their attention. The proper cultural response is submission lowering the head and running away. Ethiopia is tough to love.
My favorite Podcast lately has been On Being. When interviewing a Rabbi about his criticism of religion especially the inequality of women within the ancient practices he responded by saying:
“I had the desire that it should be better. So, my criticism grows from love…be critical out of compassion out of real love for what you think the people could be. “
And so, I am not critical of this society or country because I don’t love it. It is quite the opposite, Ethiopia has made me who I am and has taught me a lot. It is because of this that I feel open to criticize it and hopefully make it a better place for the people that I have grown to love that will spend their entire lives here.
With this being said, my girls are so brave. Their bravery shines through every time they arrive at my gate because I know that this means that they had to ask permission to be outside of their homes away from chores. On some occasions the parents ask to talk to me because their daughter was supposed to wash clothes, feed the cow, haul teff, fetch water and cook dinner. Can one of the brothers help, I ask? My program is very important today. Ishii Ishii. Ok, Ok they say. Most of the time, my students show up with their baby siblings on their backs. Nab gaza memhair Shay I am going to Teacher Shay’s House they must say with the assumption that we are practicing English. We are practicing English because my Tigrinia fails me occasionally but what we are really doing is starting a social revolution of independent free-thinking girls. Girls outside of the home, girls speaking English which means girls that are getting a good education, it means girls having time to play and just be kids. This change has to happen slowly. The people have to trust in what you are doing and saying and most importantly believe it too. This only happens by building relationships and I am proud to say that over a year and a half here has won me that respect. With some arguing occasionally in broken Tigrinia my community trust me. Meles Zenawi the late prime minister said “If you teach the women you teach the whole family”. So, my English clubs consist of all women, girls actually but they are so adult like that I forget that they are just 14. My soccer practices are girls only and my weekend lunch programs at my house allow for us girls to have a safe space, a place of call our own to be free and open and honest. My tiny house gets so loud with 20+ girls packed in. It’s moments like this that make me really proud. Girls here generally don’t speak much culturally it is expected that girls look down and keep quiet. So, the volume alone is really moving. I sit back and let them be. Let the talk. Let them laugh. And most importantly let them smile.